Justin Bieber’s stellar new single What Do You Mean, has been making waves everywhere. The track has earned itself a number one spot on the Billboard charts, which is a first for the singer and (if you haven’t already noticed) has been getting significant praise from us here.
Regardless of whether you think J Biebz is just shamefully trying to cultivate a new self-image, or has genuinely evolved into an artist of calibre- What Do You Mean is a pop song for the ages. If you need any more convincing, take a listen to CHVRCHES cover of the track on BBC Radio 1’s Live Lounge, which is kind of the same as triple j’s Like A Version.
The track originally stays true to the same electronic sound that Diplo and Skrillex have created for Bieber, but CHVRCHES have molded it into something else entirely. It chill-inspiring, carrying the elements we all love and expect from the band.
“We just want to have a bit of fun with it,” the band’s Martin Doherty said. “I’m a huge fan of that tune, and [Bieber’s] recent output with Jack U as well. It’s really, really good”.
Take a listen to the wonderful cover below.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moD5muTQcwY&w=560&h=315]
MORE: Accepting yourself as a Believer: a step-by-step guide
This time last week, I spent an entire morning listening to the new Justin Bieber track and writing a confessional piece about liking the song. We also went on to detail his recent appearance on Jimmy Fallon, which included a really genuine interview and a great performance. I hinted at my past of being a closet Belieber, but didn’t divulge to the extent it went. I have Baby and Beauty And A Beat on my iTunes. They’re on my ‘get pumped’ playlists. Holy hair-bleach, I think they each spent some time in my Top 25 Most Played. So there, those are all my cards, down on the table for everyone to see. This morning noticed that I had never clicked Private Session on Spotify, my data is out there in the world. I have quite possibly single-handedly been responsible for pushing What Do You Mean into record breaking territory.
Over the past week, I have been confronted time and time again by my new status as a Belieber by people I had angered, for apparently, I had shown them the light. Here’s a short compilation of some of the conversations I’ve had recently:
a. “Ruby… It’s actually really good. Fuck”
b. “This isn’t actually Justin Bieber.”
And my personal favourite, c:
Sorry everyone, but in an effort to make up for my (apparently very rudely) making you realise you’re a Belieber, I’ve put together a little How-To Guide for accepting your new life as a Belieber and moving forward.
- As demonstrated in conversation b above, you will probably find yourself in some kind of state of denial. Unconvinced that you’re enjoying a song by that vapid little fuck boy, Justin Bieber. But you are, which leads me to step two…
- You’re going to be angry. So, so angry. I was when I found myself listening to Baby on repeat on YouTube. I had passed this stage by the time What Do You Mean came around, but I remember the feeling. Dirty.. I felt like I didn’t know myself – and I didn’t want to. So be angry. Just know it’ll pass.
- This is what I like to consider the half-way point. You’ve admitted to yourself that yes you like “one or two songs”, but that it. You don’t actually like any other Bieber songs. You certainly don’t like him as a person. So you allow yourself one or two guilty pleasure songs. Feel free to listen to them from the comfort of a Private Spotify Session.
- Pivotal in the Bieber Fever Acceptance Process, this is the Reaching Out stage. Read some music blogs and websites (I can recommend a good one) and watch YouTube videos. Read up on what others have said about the new material in comment sections. You’ll find, probably to pleasant surprise, that there are other, respectable people out there who too, find themselves struck down with Beiber Fever. It is around this time that you tell someone that you think you like Justin Beiber: a friend, a pet, a houseplant, anyone. Just getting the words out is so important to this process. You might feel some kind of shame at first, but it will pass. Trust me.
- Endgame. This is where you reach peak Belieber and there isn’t anything you can do about it. So you accept it. You hear your friends badmouthing the Biebs and you jump to his defense. You hear someone saying that What Do You Mean isn’t a good song and you swoop in with a take down. You hear someone say something awful about his hair and… well, you probably agree but say something like “he’s just finding himself again.” You watch his drum battle on Jimmy Fallon and you beam with pride at Bieb’s win before chuckling as he cheekily kisses Jimmy Fallon on the cheek. However, most of all, you wish you were the PR mastermind behind his makeover, because damnit, if they can make you a true Belieber, then they must be some kind of fucking wizard.
Justin Bieber is, finally, doing all the right things. We never thought we’d see this day come, but it has. Howl & Echoes is a collective Belieber. What Do You Mean is one hell of a tropical electro-pop single and we aren’t ashamed to admit we’ve been jamming to it a lot. Top that off with the obvious changes Bieber has made in his life – generally called growing up, but when you’re a celebrity it’s a little different – the fact that he’s not exactly hard to look at, and emotional honesty seen both at the VMAs and on Jimmy Fallon….. well, let’s just say that his publicist is a fucking genius.
Five years ago a fresh faced Bieber appeared on The Tonight Show and competed against Questlove in a drum off. Remember this guy? Before the tattoos, the drink driving and the ego to rival Kanye West, there was a kid who was kind of endearing. Seriously, look at that baby face.
But, like all kids, the Biebs has grown up right before our eyes. Now sporting an outfit that can only be described as apocalypse-chic, he returned to the Fallon stage for a rematch. As he sat behind the kit It was immediately clear that he had been working on his jams; he held his own against The Roots rhythm man, with an impressive back and forth. Eventually, after an extended solo, Questlove unconvincingly conceded with a shrug and exited from the stage, leaving an ecstatic Bieber jumping up and down, planting a kiss on Fallon’s cheek.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hY3tzNUjoHc]
The singer also performed his single What Do You Mean? and spoke about his emotionally charged VMA performance, before revealing to a very excitable audience that his yet to be titled album will be out November 13th.
We were pleasantly surprised by the new track, to say the least, and look forward to seeing what else the comeback of Justin Bieber holds.
Bieber also gave an open, surprisingly heartfelt interview, where he discusses his past troubles, his emotional VMAs performance, and the fact that he’s been growing up like any normal teenager – there’s just a lot more cameras in front of his face.
I never thought this would happen. Ever. That I would be writing an entire post dedicated to Justin Bieber, not to make fun of him, but to express that I actually kind of really like his new song. Out of everyone at yesterday’s MTV VMAs, Justin Bieber’s performance of his new song What Do You Mean? was probably one of the best (save for the odd spoken-word section, that was cringe). Go on, hate me – I hate me. But it’s the truth and I know I’m not alone. (ed note: It’s true. I like the song. Subsequently I hate myself too.)
It’s true what Ari Gold says: “this town loves a comeback” and between One Direction taking over his fan-base demographic and his recent personal history having been littered with arrests and other anti-social behaviour (to put it nicely), Biebs was due for one. I just didn’t think I would be sucked into it. But there I was, catching up on what I had missed while at work and ready to see the water works I had been reading about all day, when the Canadian took to the stage for his first awards show appearance in two years.
How Biebs rocked up to the VMAs
The performance was complete with back up dance troupes, some pretty impressive moves of his own and a little spin around the arena with the help of a harness and cable wires . What followed was a well documented mini-breakdown and an awkward Miley Cyrus gyrating in Bieber’s general direction as he tried to contain the tears. I’m not sure if the tears were genuine, but they did the trick with the media latching on and the gifs were damn near everywhere.
Exhibit A
I watched the entire thing. Then, this morning, I watched the official music video while crying into my coffee wondering who the hell I am and when I started to like Justin Bieber (okay so friends of mine might attest to the fact that sometimes part of me enjoys Beauty and The Beat, but that part is drunk-Ruby and she is never to be trusted). I digress. The song follows on from a Skrillex and Diplo collaboration Where Are Ü Now which featured Bieber on vocals. That track was also the interlude for Bieber’s VMA performance.
What Do You Mean’s timing is impeccable: One Direction split up right in the middle of the guerrilla marketing campaign for the song and the track itself takes the whole ‘tropical house’ vibe that’s been popularised over year’s North American summer and run with it full force. There are hints that an album is set to drop in November, which will no doubt place Bieber in prime position to welcome 2016 as the comeback kid of contemporary pop. At least for a little while.
The video for What Do You Mean isn’t particularly great: it looks suspiciously like the The Randian’s video for You’ve Got Me. I guess child-stars gotta stick together. There’s a bit of soft porn tumbling on a motel bed, followed by a staged kidnapping courtesy of actor John Leguizamo, which is totally forgotten once Biebs and this video’s babe jump out a window and find themselves at a party. It’s a cheesy attempt at a short film that i guess is meant to fit into the action-drama genre somewhere. But the song. Shit. The song. It’s pretty damn catchy. It’s so fitting for this first day of spring that I may or may not have hit repeat.
Ho fucking ho, it’s December once again and that means it’s time for your ears to cop a full-frontal assault from garbage Christmas songs from terrible musicians of every genre imaginable. In supermarkets, on the radio, even at work where you cannot possibly escape, an entire month of vomit-inducingly jolly tunes.
As far as I’m concerned, there has been maybe one good Christmas song written in the history of ever, and it was Paul Kelly’s How To Make Gravy. Everything else has been pretty much a pathetic attempt to cash in on the festive season, to the delight of middle-aged women and awful people everywhere and much to the chagrin of people who hate the unholy fuck out of everything about Christmas like me (except the food and the presents and the getting to spend time with family stuff, that can stay)
If you ever meet anyone who enjoys one of the following, run for your life before they suck your soul right out of your face.
5: Destiny’s Child – Eight Days Of Christmas
People fawn over Beyonce as some kind of untouchable goddess today but I’m here to let you know she can be just as tacky and awful as any other pop star and is more than capable of horrendous shit like this. What happened to the other four days, Destiny’s Child? Did you forget about them entirely or did you simply not have enough blithering crap to sing about to fill the traditional 12?
Seriously, this is fucked. A diamond belly ring? A cropped jacket and dirty denim jeans? A gift certificate to get my favourite CDs? What kind of basic bitch trip are you all on? This had to have been before Bey and Jay were a thing, because I know Jigga would be having absolutely none of this rotten little list you’re giving him, Beyonce.
“The fuck is this?”
It’s disheartening to contemplate that, for all of their independent woman songs and girl power attitude, at heart, Destiny’s Child were just as materialistic and shallow as any of the women they were empowering in the late 90s/early 00s.
4: Bob Dylan – It Must Be Santa
Why did you do this to us, Bob? What could you, a man who has released over 36 studio albums, 11 live albums and regarded as one of the best songwriters of all time, possibly have to gain from releasing this disgustingly jaunty, accordion-heavy Christmas song about Kris Kringle?
A song where you sound like a grandfather blind drunk on eggnog as you speed through sickeningly child-like Christmas-y lyrics like ‘special night, beard that’s white, it must be Santa, it must be Santa’. How dare you stand there in the accompanying music video, in your ridiculous white top hat, as though you don’t owe the rest of the world an explanation for this nonsense. How dare you.
3: Bon Jovi – Back Door Santa
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XrM9cvjeIEM
I shouldn’t even have to point out that Back Door Santa sounds like the title of an unfathomably sleazy Christmas-themed porno. I also shouldn’t have to point out that Bon Jovi were the Britney Spears of 80s hair metal, and that their cover of Clarence Carter’s already awful original is unfiltered reindeer piss.
Everyone knew Clarence Carter was a filthy old man (he is behind such other ribald hits as Strokin’) but it’s somehow even worse to hear feathery-haired git Jon Bon Jovi slither his way through these bafflingly suggestive lyrics, including. ‘I keep the little girls happy while the boys are out to play’ and ‘I kept that door open in case anyone smelled a mouse’.
It’s already creepy enough that Santa knows when and where I sleep, I’ll be spending Christmas Eve in the corner of my room, rocking back and forth with a baseball bat if you suggest for even a second that he might slip in and try to rear end me. Fuck you, Santa.
2: Snoop Dogg – Santa Claus Goes Straight To The Ghetto
How well would gangsta rap and Christmas mix? Death Row records were so keen to find out they stuffed our stockings with Christmas On Death Row in 1996, chock full of wonderful beats to deck the halls to.
I’m kidding of course, this shit is the plague. Not to be mistaken with the James Brown song of the same name (also shit), not only was this a real Snoop Dogg song from BEFORE he got old and lost his mind, but Dogg Pound members who weren’t previously terrible like Daz Dillinger and Nate Dogg also lent their names to this monstrosity. It stabs at my insides to hear them rapping about ‘postin’ up with eggnog’ and rhyming phrases like ‘hair still nappy’ with ‘steal a gift for my old grandpappy’.
Force my eyeballs open a la A Clockwork Orange and make me watch Jingle All The Way every fucking day of December before you make me listen to this again, shit.
1: Justin Bieber and Busta Rhymes – The Little Drummer Boy
THERE WILL BE NO CHRISTMAS! THE NORTH POLE IS ON FIRE AND ALL THE ELVES ARE BURNING! GOD IS DEAD AND SANTA MURDERED HIM! JESUS CAN’T EVEN WITH THIS! THE GRINCH TOOK A PISS ON THE NATIVITY SCENE! YOUR STOCKING IS FILLED WITH BURNT PRESENTS AND REINDEER SHIT!!!!