While most people are halfway into breaking all of their New Year’s resolutions by now, noted rap genius 2015’s undisputed biggest piece of trash and the recently-released-from-being-incarcerated Martin Shkreli didn’t bother with even the smallest notion of self-improvement despite his entire reputation emerging from the last year in worse shape than 90s Marlon Brando.
Nope, apparently equating being undeservedly wealthy enough to buy that Wu-Tang Clan album with being someone capable of rapping, Shkreli is continuing his one man quest to prove that he doesn’t possess a soul at full steam ahead, earlier this week hinting at the release of his very own mixtape.
I may or may not be dropping a mix tape on Wednesday. #staytuned
— Martin Shkreli (@MartinShkreli) January 17, 2016
If you legitimately want to hear Martin Shkreli’s mixtape, then you are Martin Shkreli. If you’re fortunate enough to still be unaware of the existence of Martin Shkreli, he’s the absolutely colossal douchebag who purchased the manufacturing license for the drug Daraprim, used in the treatment of people who are HIV-positive, and proceeded to jack the price by over 5000% from USD $13.50 per tablet to $750.
There’s no word on what his stage name is going to be if this evil actually sees the light of day on its proposed release date of tomorrow, but it apparently won’t be MC Pharma Bro or any variant containing the name ‘Pharma Bro’, Shkreli apparently taking a great deal of butthurt offense at being saddled with that moniker.
So from here on out we’ll refer to Pharma Bro only as Pharma Bro.
Yes, Pharma Bro is a legitimate demon who actively tried to harm thousands and thousands of innocent people, and you’d be quite right in wondering why the Catholic Church hasn’t been called in to banish him from our plane of existence. He resigned in utter disgrace as CEO of Turing Pharmaceuticals shortly after the collective teeth gnashing of the entire world in response to his scumbag business tactics, but that didn’t stop Pharma Bro from carrying on with being a relentless piece of shit in public, oh no.
In some form of fantastic and heavenly justice, he was arrested by the FBI on charges of securities fraud at the end of last year because of course, being released on bail shortly thereafter. Rather than opting for the life of a social recluse though, the life that other monumental dickheads typically go with after angering the entire world and being brought to justice for it, Pharma Bro decided to try and publically resurrect his reputation by being a total crumb at every opportunity presented to him.
Here’s Pharma Bro comparing himself favourably to Mother Teresa (note his first hints at a mixtape that everyone thought was a joke):
@ben_geier financially? i believe she prided herself on having no worldly possessions. MIX TAPE OUT 2016
— Martin Shkreli (@MartinShkreli) December 16, 2015
Here’s Pharma Bro killing two scumbag birds with one stone, bragging like a fucking idiot about his Wu-Tang Clan album purchase AND offering Taylor Swift the opportunity to listen to it with him if she paid him in sexual favours in the SAME INTERVIEW.
And here’s Pharma Bro saying he actually would have raised the price of Daraprim higher than the original bar of $750 a pop if he’d had his druthers:
There are dozens more glaring examples of his fuckfacery that I won’t bother to list, this threat of a debut mixtape now the latest in a very long line of them.
Whether this is all some kind of practical joke troll job to rile up the Internet or not, what Pharma Bro, a man who had all the likability of a sack full of whooping cough and fleas before 2015, needs to be doing is shutting the fuck up and getting straight into the nearest bin. The world needs his public presence in the same way it needs another hole in the ozone layer.
We can only hope that if he’s actually legitimate about this mixtape that his next one has to be recorded over the phone.
Image from Business Insider