Shopping Montage

The Soundtrack: Music For Your Very Own Shopping Montage

Welcome to The Soundtrack, a column where we plumb the depths of our musical knowledge to bring you the best* (subjective) music to listen to for very specific life situations. This week, we bring you music to spin while you’re playing out your very own shopping montage IRL. Also, this time, ALL of these tracks are from artists based right here in Australia.

It’s a very, very tired trope. Person has important thing to go to. Person needs to buy a new ‘fit for the occasion. Person traipses to the mall with zany BFF in tow to try on a series of clothes. Some are gross. Some are hilarious. And then one is just right. It’s like Goldilocks, but with more capitalism! Yay! Played-out romcom montages aside though, this is actually a real situation that most can probably relate to, but on a much less ~quirky~ level. Like, the thing you have to go to more than likely isn’t all that pivotal. You kinda don’t need new clothes but you just want em. Your BFF maybe isn’t that much of a crazy character and their reactions to your various sartorial options are almost definitely mostly subdued. And the outfit that you eventually pick is, in all likelihood, gonna have some kind of fundamental flaw whether you notice it in-store or not (probably that it was made in a sweatshop). Political commentary aside, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to inject a bit of whimsy and humour into the situation by just leaning into the montage cliche as hard as possible and Soundtracking it.

Pluto Jonze – Hispedangongonajelanguiro (Capiche?)

Let’s face it: no matter who you are, trying on clothes is objectively horrible. Sizes are not standardised, the changing rooms have questionable stains on the carpet, it can take HOURS to find what you’re looking for, and literally NOBODY looks good under that god-awful harsh fluorescent lighting. You’re gonna need pepping up pretty much straight out of the gate. This song is complete nonsense and that’s why it’s so entertaining. It is total chaos and so eccentric it’ll make up for the fact that the mate you tagged along is kind of vanilla. Fun fact: Pluto Jonze is now a member of Hey Geronimo. Not-so-fun-fact: he hasn’t released anything as Pluto Jonze in roughly 5 million years, or at least that’s what it feels like. #ComeBackPluto

Tkay Maidza – Uh-Huh

There is actually no disputing that Tkay Maidza is a literal queen. Her rise has been so meteoric and her presence so constant that there is actually no denying this objective fact any longer. Lucky for us, she is a kind and benevolent ruler to us all and uses her sovereignty to bless us with multiple bangers. This particular banger is (IMHO) the best “feelin’ myself” song to come out of this country in years. I don’t care what your gender or level of kinetic intelligence is, you WILL be booty-popping to this song in the jeans you just tried on. Hopefully ur mate takes a video because this song is known to increase dancing ability approximately one hundred fold.

Loon Lake – Cherry Lips

RIP to a very fun band who wrote an even more fun song. This one’s perfect for your personal shopping montage – it really has it all. Cheesy lyrics like “shake your sexy hips“, a wailing guitar solo, and a driving groove that’ll have you turning that awkward dance everyone does to get into slightly-too-tight pants into something a bit more suave. This is a good time for you to oh-so-hilariously suggest to your buddy that they also try on a crazy outfit, preferably a matching or horribly clashing one, and then you both bust out of your respective changing rooms and strike ridiculous poses.

Ash-Leigh – Never Been

This track is an iridescent, so-bright-it-hurts-to-look-at f*cking pop GEM. Don’t be fooled by the subdued start, because this baby houses one of the most absolutely insane, completely perfect choruses not just from Australia, but on the entire planet. Maybe that’s hyperbole, but look, probably not. Chuck it on when you’re getting changed out of a “no” outfit and are about to try on what looks like it’s gonna be a “yes”. Even if it doesn’t look as slammin’ as you’d hoped, I promise you, you are NOT going to care. All you’re going to care about is twirling around with your arms in the air while other shoppers call you a fucking crumb behind your back. Sadly this one is not on Spotify, but you can listen below. I promise you it’s worth it.

Babaganouj – Can’t Stop

Get it? Because you can’t stop thinking about when you’re finally going to find the right damn clothes for your purposes and get away from all the mallwalkers and weird mingling food court smells. No, but really, every shopping montage needs a cute as hell track like this. It’s actually a crime that this song isn’t famous the world over. Who doesn’t love a good call and response? During this song, you will find what you are looking for*, so put it on last otherwise you’ll miss out on all the other incredible tracks on this playlist (*not guaranteed).

Image: Paramount