Let Them Eat Cake is an attractive alternative to the marathon 3-day festivals held over New Years and this year’s fourth edition sees the festival to continue its exponential growth. In previous years, the main areas were pretty packed, but it was very easy to disappear into shady little grottos to escape the thumping music. In 2016, the grottos are increasingly populated, and the main areas are stadium-filled. Arrive at 1pm and you would have seen the number of patrons at the 2015 edition. By 5pm, the grounds of the Werribee Mansion was practically swarming with people. It’s a testament both to the strong brand Let Them Eat Cake has quickly built up, as well as the increasingly discerning musical tastes of Melbournians.
The unique setting of the Werribee Mansion achieves something that no other Australian music festival does. The towering image of the Italianate Mansion casts a much-needed aura of class and sophistication over an event that is traditionally completely devoid of these things. The shadow of the Mansion demands a degree of respect from the revellers; it elevates the entire worth of the festival. Throwing a warm plastic cup of VB over your shoulder into the dust bowl of the Melbourne Showgrounds can be done without remorse, but it’s much more difficult to hurl a plastic cup of Pimm’s and Lemonade onto the perfectly manicured lawn of this pristine tourist attraction. The setting certainly does conjure up the decadence of pre-Revolution France, Marie Antoinette and her phrase which the festival was named after.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eS0CO-yPmO4
The sense of taste is present in every element of the Let Them Eat Cake infrastructure. The art installations are typically handcrafted wooden monuments, hidden between the pine trees. Even the food trucks are tirelessly constructed to fit the aesthetic. A Captain Morgan’s van is made to resemble a frail wooden pirate ship. And speaking of food and drink, it’s little surprise that Let Them Eat Cake serves up only the very best of indie cuisine – a very far cry from the Four and Twenty pie that is the staple food to ignore eating at any lesser festival. No, at Let Them Eat Cake you ignore eating the absolute finest. All this against a lush green setting; a paradise for both snap-happy Instagram models and hippies looking to literally roll around in the grass.
Of course the most impressive design element of Let Them Eat Cake is the elaborate stages. I could hear murmurs amongst the crowd welcoming the changes to the layout, as well as the overhaul of the aesthetic. It provided not only a better sense of space, but also the ability to move seamlessly around the festival. Whilst all of the bespoke stags were intricate, it was hard to look past the magnificence of the ‘Palace of Versailles’ stage. Underneath the mammoth shadow of the Mansion, stood two twin handcrafted pyramids, reminiscent of a Caribbean Daft Punk. A light show illuminated the Mansion, whilst the pyramids shot out twin jets of flame.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kqVgbhenEI
Like that scene in the Matrix, revellers danced shirtless and shoeless beneath the primordial setting, just like the Morpheus-officiated rave in the caves of Xion. In one year since the last Let Them Eat Cake, you could be mistaken for thinking that the crowd had been infiltrated by the cadre of loyal doofers who haven’t missed a Rainbow Serpent since the Rainbow Serpent first created Australia. However this 400% increase in bindis could just as easily be explained by the increasing influence of doof culture in mainstream fashion. Rather, the crowd of Let Them Eat Cake are all keen fashionistas embracing the chic of the urban shaman, yet the festival also boasts just as much shirtlessness as Stereosonic. The difference is that people here aren’t showing off the effects of Clenbuterol – they are just really fond of having mud pressed against their bare flesh.
Given the attention to detail to the festival’s infrastructure, it’s no surprise that the line-up is similarly curated. Let Them Eat Cake continues to boast the most sophisticated line-up of international artists performing a genre that you might loosely call ‘dance music.’ The line-up is in a word, “discerning”. The artists tend to offer a more forward-thinking, minimalist version of all things house, techno and drum and bass (as well as many more). It offers a line-up that is traditionally more “European” in scope, and often absent from the Southern hemisphere. DJ Ben UFO provides his brand of challenging dubstep, funky and grime, complete with bad movie fighting sound effects. German pioneer Motor City Drum Ensemble performed an intelligent mix of both retro and futuristic house. Even the hip-hop is sophisticated, with Slum Village – compatriots of J-Dilla and living legends – on board for this year’s festival to lend some old-school legitimacy strictly for the hip-hop heads. Whilst the forecast had Werribee at only 31 degrees, for those strung out from the night before, it felt like 50. A cool change, and the bigger, higher energy tunes of Âme and Daniel Avery were welcomed by the enormous crowd at the main stage. A faster pace, and some original music gave the crowd a much-needed push to the finish line.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYnfCNWcaz0
Let Them Eat Cake continues to completely re-examine the potential of dance music festivals in Australia. Where most Australian music festivals are dusty and pedestrian, this festival is lush, bold and exquisite. The only challenge? Maintaining its garden party feel as more Melbournians with an appetite for all things dance, continue to fall on Werribee.
In an industry where authenticity is everything, Vince Staples has lived a lot in just 22 years. Growing up in Long Beach California, Staples shifted from a life of gangbanging to becoming one of the most respected lyricists in hip-hop, known more for his acerbic wit than his trigger finger. A vocal critic of the glorification of gang life and drug use in hip-hop, he has quickly become one of the most important rappers in the game. A collaborator of some of hip-hop’s Gen-Y finest, an XXL Freshman and a close friend of ex-Odd Future reps like Earl Sweatshirt and Syd Tha Kid, this year he also accomplished the small feat of releasing one of the year’s most important albums. Summertime ’06 is a real accomplishment; a challenging, potent and totally unique debut, far beyond the young rapper’s years. We talked to Vince about hating Twitter, going toe to toe with Kendrick, and the purity of unadulterated Sprite.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5OAYMMod9Wo
Vince Staples, thank you so much for speaking with me today.
Not a problem man. I appreciate you.
I’m very excited to talk to you. Summertime ’06 was my favourite album of the year. But I’m also excited because you are famous for your interviews. How do you feel about this title – Vince Staples: the funniest rapper in the game?
Ahh, well my question would be – what is the game? And then second, I be like, yeah I’m pretty funny. I’m just one of the funniest people. You have to understand that, that I’m one of the best.
What do you think about the role of humour in hip-hop?
I don’t think about hip-hop at all. I think hip-hop gets too much attention. We should focus more on all the things in everyday life. I feel like a lot of the things I say don’t really have much to do with hip-hop. We’re all regular people at the end of the day, that’s one thing we tend to forget with this music – all these artists, all these people, we’re just all individuals, we’re all regular people. You know we all like other things except for music. We should let that be known as well, within what we do in hip-hop.
How important is something like Twitter for you, to connect with your fans, and to allow them to see a side of your personality that they may not see in your music?
It’s a funny thing because I fucking hate the Internet, I hate Twitter. I didn’t have an Instagram until my manager made me get one. I had like a private one that I used to delete every time people found out it was mine. I mean, I understand the importance of it. We live in a day and age where it’s not about the music. The music is the least important thing on the list of things we have to do in this industry, the music comes absolutely last. Which is not necessarily a good thing to me, but it’s the truth to, they want the overall lifestyle effect of it. It is very important when it comes to what it can do for our careers, and what it can do for our listeners in general and how we can help them learn about new things, and about the things we also like. So I do understand the importance of it. And I wouldn’t use it at all, but if I had the choice – I’d be so cool on it.
You say that – but your tweets are amazing.
Yeah well it’s crazy, but I am one of the funniest people alive, so people have to understand that.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mb6Jc4juSF8
2015 was a massive year for hip-hop. We had To Pimp A Butterfly and At Long Last A$AP. Hip-hop almost feels more respected than ever. How does it feel to know that Summertime ’06 played such a huge role in that?
It’s a relief because I felt that we worked very hard for it. We did our best; we did our absolute best for everything that we did this year. So I’m glad to see that it turned out, you know, being worth all the hard work. Because as you said before, we are amongst the very best when it comes to those names you named. So I’m glad we’re in good company.
I appreciate it because we worked hard for it. Just being in the same conversation as Kendrick’s album is amazing. I’ve heard people saying when it comes to hip-hop albums this year it’s mine vs. his – just hearing that, I’m just completely grateful for everything. It’s great, man.
Talking about putting the album together, the effort you put into constructing it. The production on Summertime ’06 is as profound as the lyrics – did you know that No ID was crafting something really really original when you began working with him?
I began working with him years ago. And I had nothing but respect and appreciation for what he’s done with everyone involved. And like, if you know No ID he said in several interviews that he’s following my lead. That just shows that they were listening and appreciating what I can bring to the table, and that’s something I appreciated as well. So just having all these people that have done completely great things and way more things than I’ve done, to have actually listened to what I’ve had to say, and to want to know what I’m about, for them to take the back seat, when they were more than capable of leading the situation. And kind of left me to develop my own identity with my own project. I can’t do anything but be grateful to them for that.
On that, the style of Summertime ’06 is very different, very unique. For a debut album, it’s a classic – how do you follow up something like that?
Well that’s easy because we made a lot of mistakes with this album. So it’ll be very easy to follow up. I can only see everything getting better. We’ll just take our time with it, and make our music and no one can ever rob us of that. We are going to make what we want to make, because at the end of the day the product is what matters and nothing else. Money doesn’t matter, success doesn’t matter, the product is what matters. We’ll always be focused on making the best product. Because that’s something we’ve always cared about, I don’t think we can ever go too far away from that.
You’ve said in the past that Def Jam have given you the freedom to craft your own projects, has that been a good relationship, and something you can see having equal freedom in the future?
You define your own freedom. They know who you are coming into the situation, and we know who we are as well. So we will do whatever we have to do to get our music out there, whether it’s with or without them. And when I say without them, if there are certain things they may not understand at a certain point in time, we will just have to do what we have to do to make them understand. But fortunately they do believe in us and we won’t have any problems that I can foresee in the future. You never know, but I firmly believe that we will be able to execute anything possible there will be no reason for us to say ‘no’ – do you understand what I mean?
Absolutely.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRQHBz1Pf84
In 2015 everything is so interconnected – is there still validity to concepts like ‘West Coast’ or ‘Southern’ hip-hop?
Hip-hop is on the Internet, you know what I mean? We’re all in the same community if you think about it. You’re not discovering music walking down the street, you’re not discovering music going around outside to these different areas – you’re discovering almost everything on the Internet. So with that being said, there’s no limitations on what can and can’t influence you.
I read an article where they said you were the walking incarnation of the Mobb Deep lyric – “I’m only 19, but my mind is old” – you’re 22 now, how does it feel to have this image as being wise your years?
I don’t care. Everyone has an opinion. You can’t focus on the good ones or the bad ones. I just want it to be known that I cared about music, and the product I put out, and that I tried my best to put out the best product that I could. That’s what I care about. As long as that’s the opinion, I can be wise, I can be immature, I can be whatever you want me to be. Just let it be known that I worked very hard on my music.
Obviously Summertime ’06 tells a story about a very specific time and place, does it feel to have your music being appreciated somewhere as far away as Australia?
It means everything. Like I said before, the one thing in life we lack is just people understanding from where each other are coming from, and to understand each other’s background. The fact that people as far away as you guys – are trying to understand where I’m coming from and what my situation was and what the identity was of the place that I come from, it just shows that we’re moving forward as people in general.
Vince, what would you say to the Sprite drinkers of Australia?
I would like to let the Sprite drinkers of Australia know that I have your best interests at hand. And Sprite has your best interests at hand. It’s the only drink with lemon and lime. It’s a beautiful product of lime. And be positive. Sprite is the only lemon and lime beverage on the earth – that other company – there’s seven of them – if you have to try and go Up, seven times – what happens to the first six? That’s all I’m really saying. You know what you’re getting with Sprite.
Who has done more for the Sprite brand, you or Future?
Me. We’re marketing a positivity with our Sprite. We’re not marketing anything else. There are no mixtures being done with the Sprite. It’s already a mixture of lemon and lime. We don’t need to add anything else.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ztv5FfmuSmM
Vince Staples will be performing at St Jerome’s Laneway Festival on the Red Bull Music Academy/Future Classic Stage alongside two headline shows.
Laneway
Friday 5 February: Harts Mill, Port Adelaide (16+)
Saturday 6 February: Brisbane Showgrounds, Brisbane (16+)
Sunday 7 February: Sydney College of the Arts, Sydney
Saturday 13 February: Footscray Community Arts Centre And The River’s Edge, Melbourne
Sunday 14 February: Esplanade Reserve and West End, Fremantle
Tickets, info and sideshows here
Vince Staples
Tuesday Feb 9: Max Watt’s, Sydney
Wednesday Feb 10: Max Watt’s Melbourne
WARNING: THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS SPOILERS. FOR THE LOVE OF THE LIVING FORCE – DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU WANT TO SPECULATE WILDLY ABOUT EPISODES VII, VIII, IX
Music can be one of the most important parts of any film, especially a massive franchise like Star Wars. The music composed by John Williams for the long-running series is some of the most iconic in film history, and is utilised for so many reasons more than providing atmosphere and backdrop.
Each few bars conjure up a distinct image, each piece powerfully employed to represent complex motifs. Each theme, each melodic hook, has come to represent such specific characters and themes, that motifs within scenes can be used to not only predict plot points, but character development. We’re going to take a look at what each key theme represents, and how their melodic and thematic motifs have been weaved in and out of the entire series, and what we can learn (and predict) from these moments.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HcZ9kQ1h-ZY
First and foremost is The Force Theme. Used to introduce the series, a personal theme for Obi-Wan Kenobi and representative of The Force and its abstract concepts as a whole, it is often used to mark moments of deep significance in the film.
Dies Irae is one of the most iconic songs in cinema history to serve a leitmotif function, alluding to the destinies of Anakin and Luke Skywalker and evoking fear and apprehension. The music becomes so significant and so loaded that its use in certain scenes removes any need for words or explanation.
In Revenge of the Sith, Princess Leia’s Theme is interestingly used to herald the birth of the Princess.
The Imperial March is used subtly in the prequels to offer hints at plot trajectory. Several bars of the March are carefully weaved into Anakin’s Theme, hinting at his future association with the Empire. Similarly, the bars appear in scenes that show the Republic and clone troopers, hinting at the Republic’s eventual evolution into the First Galactic Empire.
The Imperial March is played with increasing prominence from episodes II to III, hinting further at Anakin’s descent into the Dark Side.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bzWSJG93P8
Sometimes, the music serves as an outright spoiler.
You can hear motifs from The Emperor’s Theme, (introduced as late as Episode VI) when we are first introduced to Darth Sidious in Episode I, all but confirming the identity of Darth Sidious as Emperor Palpatine.
Most interestingly, the The Emperor’s Theme is played by a children’s chorus as a celebratory song, following the victory of Naboo at the end of Episode I. The use of the children’s vocals and major chords disguises the ominous music. It symbolises the subterfuge of Palpatine’s plan.
When the official Force Awakens trailer was released in October, superfans began trying to determine plot points using tetrailer’s soundtrack. Much like the prequels, the trailer reworks some iconic themes to hint at certain ideas. Music within the trailer, and within the movie itself provide some very powerful clues to two of the biggest questions posed in The Force Awakens.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGbxmsDFVnE
Now that the film is out, let’s see if the musical clues led anywhere. Here’s some of our theories about Episode VII.
Who are Rey’s parents?
The first option is Luke, with an as-yet-unidentified woman. The film shows us a connection between the two when Rey touches Luke’s lightsaber, inducing a flashback to seeing Luke hunted by Kylo Ren and his Knights of Ren. Maz Kanata, the bearer of the lightsaber, also provides some clues, saying that Rey’s family are not behind her, but they may be ahead – perhaps in her quest to find Luke. Maz also says, “This was Luke Skywalker’s lightsaber, like his father before him, it calls to you.” This direct reference to lineage is not exactly cryptic. In the penultimate scene, we see Luke and Rey together, interconnected. But is this connection master and pupil or father and daughter?
When did Luke get busy, and who with? Some versions of the Expanded Universe see Luke shack up with a character called Mara Jade. But considering the The Jedi Code rules against forming attachments (marriage) and individual bonds (love and family), we’re going to need an extra plot point or three to explain this one. Unlike most organised religions, these rules serve a very practical purpose. “Attachment leads to jealousy, the shadow of greed that is,” says Yoda in Revenge of the Sith, warning of the Dark Side dangers of romantic entanglements.
It was Luke’s own father who succumbed to the Dark Side due to his very hammy love for Padme.
Perhaps Luke had a moment of weakness after one too many deathsticks. But Rey being the offspring of a Jedi master would be something of a cop out, given the Jedi are supposed to be a class of highly disciplined monks. It seems doubtful that Luke would make the same mistake as his father – preferring a thrilling life of celibacy and staring dolefully off a cliff side.
Unless you want to start considering options like cloning and genetic engineering (and let’s not fully rule them out), Han and Leia are the only other realistic candidates. The good people at Browbeat placed the music of the first official Force Awakens trailer under a powerful microscope, noting that when we first meet Rey, we hear new, original music from John Williams. The new theme stresses innocence, and the promise of upcoming adventure.
The same theme is played again when we get our first glimpse at Kylo Ren, but this time it’s a fully orchestral version, anchored by a heavy, threatening bass. Perhaps this indicated a connection between the two, possible even a “familial one.” Browbeat notes that just as we are left to ponder this question, the new theme is blended with Han and Leia’s Love Theme from The Empire Strikes Back. The bass and percussion of this theme “go into overdrive” just as Han looks into the eyes of Rey and tells her, “it’s true, all of it.” Is the Han and Leia Theme – so strongly associated with their love – played over the image of Rey, to prompt the audience to the conclusion that she is the product of their union?
The Force Awakens hints endlessly at the shared personality traits between Han and Rey. Both are street smart with deep mechanical intelligence. Their knowledge of the Millennium Falcon is almost on par, so much so that several times they literally say speak in perfect synchronisation.
By reading her mind, Kylo Ren picks up on Rey’s connection with the smuggler; “You see Han Solo as the father you never had, he would have disappointed you.” Given that this is a private thought, it’s particularly telling.
You also cannot deny the connection seen between Leia and Rey. As they lock eyes and hug in one of the final scenes, the moment lingers with heavy emotion. There’s an immediate, intrinsic connection between the two, one that hints at something far more important than their brief interaction in the film. While Han doesn’t necessarily need to know that he has fathered another child, the same cannot be said for Leia.
But if Rey is Han and Leia’s daughter, why didn’t they mention it? They have a really emotional conversation about their failings as parents in reference to Ben/Kylo. It’s uncharacteristically nonchalant of Han and Leia to not mention their other child. Furthermore, if Rey is their daughter, why as she given away as a child?
Consider this, an idea courtesy of Vox: Luke’s training somehow leads to Ben turning to the Dark Side, becoming Kylo Ren because he has “too much Vader in him”. It’s a clear concern to all Skywalkers, including Rey.
Leia and Han birth a second child, Rey. Considering how extremely naturally talented and Force trained she appears to be (something which is gonna need SERIOUS need explaining in XIII/IV), he quickly realises the risks of her potentially turning Sith. He takes her to Jakku and somehow erases all memory of her, essentially Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind-ing everyone who knew the young girl.
Posing Ren and Rey as brother and sister holds far more significance than as first cousins. Episode XIII will most likely feature the pair training beneath Luke and Snoke, pitting them against one another in an emotionally charged lightsaber battle, avenging their father’s death, and either saving or destroying good and evil in the process. This entire process holds far more weight when you consider that the two might be brother and sister, and indicates another repeated plot point in the film (Luke, Leia and Vader). It would also provide platform for a much deeper analysis of the Force and, essentially, nature vs nurture debate: with the same parents, what led Ren to the Dark and Rey to the Light? And will it remain this way? Kylo Ren is clearly conflicted in his actions. He may not be all bad, and Rey may not be all good.
Who is Supreme Leader Snoke?
Musical geniuses have similarly analysed the themes played whenever Supreme Leader Snoke is shown on screen in order to help determine his identity.
Slightly less shrouded in shadow than Darth Sidious, audiences are given a decent look at “Supreme Leader Snoke” –a name that inspires giggles more than fear. Snoke is a particularly decrepit looking Supreme Leader. It seems most likely that he is human, although extremely old, considering his thinning eyebrows and sallow cheeks. It also looks like someone has taken an axe directly to his forehead. An extremely senior member of an organization directly derived from the Empire, he can ‘feel’ the presence of the Force, and his intention to “complete Kylo Ren’s training” shows that he has knowledge of the Dark Side.
Again, there’s two options. The first is Emperor Palpatine.
Although Palpatine’s death in Return of the Jedi seemed to be all but confirmed when he seemingly exploded into ‘Dark Side energy’, surviving the unsurvivable is not uncommon throughout the series. Anakin Skywalker is left limbless and severely burnt before essentially being resurrected as a Frankenstein cyborg. General Grievous is quite literally just eyes, a brain and a wheezy set of lungs transplanted into an exoskeleton. So surviving a fall down a shaft into a reactor isn’t necessarily that implausible, particularly for an individual who strongly hints that he has learnt the secret of mastery over life and death.
In Revenge of the Sith, Palpatine casually tells Anakin that Sith Lord Darth Plagueis “could use the Force to influence the midichlorians to create life – he had such a knowledge of the Dark Side, he could keep the ones he cared about from dying.” He later relishes the moment in the story when Plagueis’ apprentice kills him in his sleep.
Although he denies that he ever learnt the trick from his old master (“to cheat death is a power only one has achieved, but if we work together, I know we can discover the secret”), there’s no reason he isn’t lying. The better view is that Palpatine learnt the trick (albeit imperfectly) and as such has been able to keep himself subsisting as a skeleton, even despite his tumble down the reactor. Having Palpatine as the villain also works to logically connect all nine episodes. The Star Wars films are the story of Emperor Palpatine’s attempt to rule the galaxy.
This might have some people rolling their eyes. How could Palpatine possibly have survived that explosion? Doesn’t his death wrap up the plot of the first six episodes? But is that explanation honestly less satisfying than, say, there was another Sith Lord who was Palpatine’s third-in-command (who was oddly never mentioned in the original trilogy), he was wicked old, badly injured in the explosion of the Death Star and his name was Robert Snoke – but you may know him better as Supreme Leader Snoke. It’s a lazy explanation.
The second theory is that Snoke is Darth Plagueis, Palpatine’s former master, who, as we just explained, had learnt the ability to cheat death. This makes sense. Considering he can cheat death, his murder was not necessarily the end to his story.
Kylo Ren says to Han Solo, “the Supreme Leader is wise,” an epithet specifically used by Palpatine to describe Darth Plagueis.
Some musical savants and Star Wars superfans have noted that the theme music played whenever Snoke is on screen is the same music that subtly plays in Revenge of the Sith, when Palpatine speaks about Dark Plagueis. Just like all of Williams’ clever reworks, the music is not exactly the same. It’s a new recording, and a slightly different composition. But does this hint that Snoke is Plagueis or merely Emperor Palpatine, successfully performing Darth Plagueis’ trick?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05dT34hGRdg
But surely the withered husk that is Supreme Leader Snoke is not going to be much of a match for Luke Skywalker, or even a strong breeze? Kylo Ren makes the comment to General Hux that the failings of his stormtroopers may cause Snoke to reconsider the use of clone soldiers. So we know that even some 45 years after the events of Attack of the Clones, cloning is still a viable option in the present day. The Force Unleashed video games address the difficulty that comes with cloning a Force User, saying that while difficult, it is not impossible. While the games are of course non-canon, it does open up an interesting theory of Supreme Leader Snoke cloning a younger body for himself, and then using the Force to transplant his consciousness into the younger vessel. Andy Serkis (who plays Snoke through motion-capture) could easily play a young Emperor, given his physical similarities to a younger Ian McDiarmid.
If there’s one thing I love more than music, it’s speculating wildly about Star Wars movies. I can’t wait to get a hold of the Force Awakens sheet music and start mentally putting together the frame-by-frame sequence of events for Episode VIII and IX.
– Written with Lauren Ziegler
Because God is good, DJ Khaled got lost at sea last night whilst riding his jet ski. DJ Khaled had spent the afternoon dining at the home of friend, and fellow clown Rick Ross. When night fell, DJ Khaled chose to return home by the unconventional method of personal watercraft. And because life is beautiful, DJ Khaled decided to live tweet and Snapchat his own Perfect Storm. In pure Khaled fashion he approached the catastrophe with both optimism and wide-eyed fascination for the awesome power of nature and God. “It’s dark. It’s so dark. It’s so real out here right now. This shit real out here, boy,” he said to his devoted legion of Snapchat followers.
Khaled, though a vocal advocate for daring ambition, has generally limited his tips for success to relatively pedestrian activities. Brushing your teeth, eating apples, cleaning your driveway, using mouthwash. Jet ski riding – which is in the same weight class as bungee jumping, parkour and skydiving – is the kind of adrenaline-heavy activity that Khaled would not normally endorse. That’s why with this latest feat DJ Khaled has cemented his status as a guru. He has gone from Tony Robbins to Lance Armstrong. From a man of words, to a man of action. If DJ Khaled is brave enough to go jet skiing at night, can’t you manage one more measly push-up? And another one. And another one.
The reason why every mother should have access to DJ Khaled’s wisdom is that he is nothing if not a role model for the children. Dental hygiene. Prayer. General cleanliness. These are all activities that he advocates. Intellect. Loyalty. These are traits he values. What mother doesn’t want her daughter to grow up to become one of the smart and loyal women that Khaled chooses to associate with?
And that’s why even when DJ Khaled does something as daring as nighttime jet ski – he is quick to point out the illegality and danger of this activity. Unlike many in the hip-hop world, DJ Khaled does not glorify crime. Instead he speaks about it humbly and circumspectly: “the key is not to drive the jet ski in the dark. It’s against the law at night, there’s that. This aint’ right.”
In narrowly avoiding the dangers that come with drunken moonlight watersports, he teaches the next generation. Christ-like, he endures hardship so that others might be saved.
People should learn from Khaled’s refreshing optimism. Many would be traumatised by that kind of midnight marine mishap. But not DJ Khaled; he can always see the sunny side. “We made it,” he said, – either when he found the shore or when the Coast Guard airlifted him to safety – “never said it was easy to win. Feels good to be back on the pathway to success. Feels great. Lion.” If DJ Khaled can survive a watercraft calamity, you can at the very least do some sit-ups. And another one. And another one.
The Grammy Award selection panel are cool. They’re not in squaresville. They’re hip. They pin-roll their jeans, slick their hair back with pomade, and keep a single unlit menthol behind their left ear. That’s why it’s not surprising that they went and did something totally neat and super radical at this year’s nominations. They nominated a “disrespectful audio track” by a hippity-hop rapper named Aubrey Graham (colloquially known as “DRAKE”) in the category of ‘Best Rap Performance.’
The Grammys have always had an uneasy relationship with hip-hop. In 1989 when the award was first launched, the Grammys overlooked true legends like KRS-One and Big Daddy Kane in favour of the vanilla combination of Will Smith and Jazzy Jeff. In 2014 many people felt that the Grammys lacked any critical insight into the genre. The fact that they chose Macklemore over Kendrick Lamar in the category of ‘Best Rap Album’ suggested that they couldn’t appreciate nuances in the genre, or discern between varying levels of art and skill. But that was last year and the Grammys have realised how uncool they were being. And just like Olivia Newton-John in the final act of Grease, in just one year the Grammys have transformed from “geek” to “fleek.”
Not in touch with the youth of today? Not familiar with the groundbreaking work of Kendrick Lamar? Well then why did the Grammys go ahead and just casually nominate Lamar in 11 categories? Because nothing says cool like reacting to criticism by performing miraculous back flips. No no no. The Grammys in 2015 love Kendrick Lamar. He’s the coolest. He transgressed genre and style. Not only has he been nominated for his own tracks, but as a featured guest on tracks by Flying Lotus and Taylor Swift.
But it doesn’t stop there! The Grammys in 2015 are “phresh.” It’s not just about nominating Kendrick Lamar for every award he could conceivably win. They’re also down with some other “ill” rappers. Fetty Wap, that guy with the song about the Queen in the trap. Kanye West as well. He’s a good one. But no doubt the coolest, most totally sweet thing the Grammys did to show the world that they truly understood and appreciated hip-hop culture was to nominate Drake’s Back to Back – a diss track.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2c354QkShZ4
Historically, something like a diss track would be very unlikely to earn Grammy recognition. This is for a number of reasons. Firstly, diss tracks are generally not composed with radio play in mind. They are often simpler and slower. They generally lack those elements that typically make rap more accessible, like a melodic hook or a dance rhythm. Simpler still, they are often un-mastered, raw cuts. Cobbled together quickly to respond to an insult, diss tracks generally don’t have the same level of production quality as something made specifically for a studio album. Diss tracks are also typically more extreme then even your standard rap track. This is because the violence they talk about is aimed at real, living people. It’s difficult for an institution like the Grammy’s to endorse the message in Hit ‘Em Up, which advocates literally murdering Christopher Wallace and everybody who associates with him.
In nominating Back to Back the Grammys are trying to show that they understand the art form. They understand that one of the fundamentals of hip-hop is competition. They understand that the concept of the diss track epitomises that theme, and in turn, the entire genre. Clever words assembled to denigrate an opponent; they’re progressive and rough. It’s one step away from nominating a freestyle done straight off the dome.
But in reality, the Grammys have achieved nothing of the sort. They just look even more clueless and even more desperate to appear edgy. Much like my uncle who decided to give frosted tips a crack at the humble age of 43 – they’re just embarrassing themselves.
Whatever your feelings about Drake, there’s no doubt that Back to Back is already one of the most iconic diss tracks of all time. It has some of the most quotable one-liners ever recorded, and they’ve spawned a litany of memes. Drake cleverly pokes fun at himself – turning his biggest weaknesses into strengths. Back to Back is the first truly important diss track in the age of the “singing rapper,” and as such it is inherently going to have more potential for club play. Drake’s nasal crooning has the potential to transform a No Vaseline into a Runaway. It peaked at 21 on the Billboard Hot 100 and sold more than 253,000 copies in the US. Yet despite these redeeming features, Back to Back is still nothing more than a laptop diss track posted direct to Soundcloud. At the end of the day this is not Runaway and it could never be. If for no other reason, the recording quality is very poor. This isn’t the product of painstaking effort and artistic output. It’s been recorded in a hotel room on a whim, with Drake clearly starting with the “world tour” line and working backwards. To reward this kind of laziness actually shows a lack of respect for the artistry. To suggest something recorded by pressing your mouth really close to your MacBookPro is as good as the live jazz band used on Chance the Rapper’s Angels is absurd. It shows that all rap music sounds the same to the Grammy selection panel. Provided it has some kind of social media impact – the Grammys will pick it, and try desperately to remain relevant within the fluid environment that is hip-hop today.
Biggie vs Tupac. Jay vs Nas. Every generation has its own great hip-hop feud. A lyrical battle that devolves into a deadly physical confrontation. The hip-hop headlines this week have been dominated by the latest rap war between West Coast legend The Game and “Stitches.”
You could be forgiven for only ever having heard the name Stitches in connection with his fight with The Game. Apparently, Stitches is an 18-year-old unsigned rapper from Miami who has offensive facial tattoos and speaks like Foghorn Leghorn. Stitches is responsible for the fittingly titled viral sensation Brick In Yo Face. The ear-splitting trap drums and brandishing of high tech military-grade weaponry makes you feel like someone has shot a kilo of cocaine directly into your eyeballs. The bridge of the song casually repeats “I love sellin’ blow,” with those exact words written in WordArt superimposed over the image of Pinhead from Hellraiser gleefully throwing handfuls of cocaine around a vacant apartment.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtW6HW8jO_U
Like Hanging Rock or the Marie Celeste, no one knows exactly all the details of The Game/Stitches beef. The best working theory is that Stitches is part of that breed of rapper (think Hopsin) that has like, pre-prepared diss tracks that he puts on into the ether in the hope that he can clickbait people into hearing his other music. Look no further than this pointless Tyga/Kylier Jenner diss track – like there was some universe where Kylie Jenner was going to hit back with some fire bars and call Stitches out.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=52&v=N7ccad-AVo4
Presumably, Stitches cobbled together a similar diss track aimed at The Game. Plus, in an effort to drum up likes, Stitches supposedly whipped open MS Paint and forged some communiqué with The Game. “Number one, I ain’t sent yo faggot ass no DM” responded The Game via Instagram.
Things made the painful jump from the virtual world to the real, when Stitches tried to enter a Miami club that was hosting The Game. The Game, probably still shitty about the fake DM’s, had security bar Stitches entrance. When Stitches sauntered over to The Game and his crew, Wack 100 (a man worthy of his moniker and surely one of the most hands-on managers around) hit the Miami newcomer so hard he was ironically left with 4 literal stitches.
After he regained consciousness, Stitches was arrested for possession of weed, and resisting arrest. Stitches took to social media to express his lack of concern.
“You can shoot me next time and I’ll still laugh. At the end of the day everyone knows you were scared to walk up that day….Show everyone you a Gangsta and let’s step in the ring. A man to man fight.”
But this wasn’t the last Instagram was to hear from the Miami rapper. After being released from jail, he took to social media to concede that he had been bashed a second time – this time by members of his own crew. “Yeah I got sucker-punched the other day, ain’t nobody hiding their face, and I got jumped by my own n*ggas yesterday” says Stitches in the second home movie. He then proceeds to produce a miniature white dog, and begins to compare his enemies to the tiny dog. “This dog right here is harder than all y’all, he can do more damage than all y’all.”
The physical assault that Stitches suffered is nothing compared to the social media beat-down he has suffered at the hands of The Game.
The Game’s finest hashtag from the whole feud (and I promise you this was hard to pick) has to have been: #myLipsAintGotStichesInEmSoICanEatThatPussyLikeAMonster. Clearly after this The Game began to lose his train of thought because the next hashtag was slightly more off topic, and I quote #LetMeTapThatPearlRealGentlyWithMyIndexFinger
Hopefully this isn’t the last we’ve heard from Stitches or The Game.
“And I’ll never let my son have an ego, he’ll be nice to everyone wherever we go.” So said Kanye West in 2011 on New Day, the open letter that served as an apology for his alienating public behaviour, and a prayer for his unborn son. Those words are ringing a little hollow on the 8th of December 2015, when Kanye and wife Kim announced the name of their first son – “Saint.” Merriam-Webster defines “saint” as “one officially recognised especially through canonisation or preeminent for holiness.” Mother Teresa – who committed her life to the service of the poor and who narrowly achieved beatification in 2002 due to the official recognition of her healing of an abdominal tumor in Calcultta – has yet to achieve official sainthood. Ego may be something little Saint West may sadly struggle with for his entire life.
The name continues a proud Kanye West tradition of appropriating Christian symbols. People were fairly pissed when Kanye appeared as Mel Gibson-Passion-era Christ on the cover of Rolling Stone, complete with thicket crown and dry crusty blood. People were fairly pissed when Kanye named his sixth studio album Yeezus, a not-so-subtle invitation to compare him to a prominent religious figure. People were just kind of perplexed when he invited “White Jesus” (his words, not mine) on stage to bless him during his Yeezus tour. No doubt someone will have some kind of gripe with Kanye’s use of the name “Saint” as well. However, Kim’s Ray J video proves this was no virgin birth.
Early reports tipped that the West heir would be given the name “Robert,” in honour of Kim’s late father, the brilliant attorney and businessman Robert Kardashian. Instead they opted for a name only marginally less stupid than the name of their first-born. Robert Snr is free to keep rolling in his grave.
Some people are surprised that the West family did not continue the “direction” theme, with names South and Easton West as big frontrunners. Kim Kardashian West dismissed the idea of a second direction theme name as ridiculous. “I think it’s so stupid, I don’t like South West, North will always be better,” she said in a June interview. Clearly two direction names is overkill. Lucky Kim opted for the much more tasteful option of ‘Saint’ instead.
Fortunately for the new baby, as a name “Saint West” is konservative when kompared to the komplete Kardahsian klan. In a family that boasts a Kourteney, a Khloe, a Kendell, and even more upsettingly, a baby Reign Aston Disick – at the very least poor Saint won’t be getting any funny looks.
At the end of the day, maybe it’s for the best that Kanye hasn’t lived up to the parenting goals he proposed in New Day, this line is even more ominous in 2015 than it was in 2011 – “I might even make him be Republican, so everybody know he love white people.”
It’s hard to believe that in the same year of Shia LaBeouf’s ‘Just Do It’ speech, there is already a new contender for ‘Best Unintentionally Funny Motivational Speech by a Minor Celebrity.’ Enter DJ Khaled. For those of you who are unfamiliar with his work, DJ Khaled is that guy who screams “DJ KHALED” at the start of songs. He also has plays a role in the songs production.
As head of music label ‘We the Best,’ DJ Khaled has always been implicitly involved in preaching a message of self-belief. But it wasn’t until the promotional tour of his album Sick with Success that DJ Khaled asserted himself as the hip-hop world’s answer to Tony Robbins. Launching a social media blitz, DJ Khaled flooded Snapchat with inspirational quotes and tangible tips for success. It was also a very clever piece of marketing – DJ Khaled embraced his own ridiculousness and transitioned from being laughed at to laughing with.
Khaled’s strategy for success has always hinged on cleanliness. How can you be expect to have dominion over the earth, when you can’t don’t have dominion over your own gums and teeth? Dental hygiene is paramount. If you don’t begin your day glugging Listerine straight from the bottle in front of your gold gilded full-size mirror, how can you expect to be taken seriously?
Scratch that. Cleanliness in general is paramount.
All successful entrepreneurs will tell you that maintaining a clear working space is essential for productivity. A cluttered desk is a roadblock to clear thinking. Take this analogy one step further, and it’s also important to have a tidy driveway. How can you maintain an empire, when you can’t even maintain a driveway?
Don’t pollute your body with toxins. Maintain a natural and very basic diet. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. One rotten apple spoils the barrel. How do you like them apples? Why do you think there are so many good idioms about apples, if they weren’t meant to be eaten in large amounts and almost exclusively?
Secondly, be thankful. Your failure or success is only given at the whim of the most high. So be sure to give thanks to the dome roof of the planetarium.
Now the good people at Music Choice have saved us all a great deal of time and assembled all of these golden Khaled-isms into one two-minute black and white video. But isn’t this just another collection of meaningless platitudes compiled into one supercut and set against uplifting piano? Yeah, sure. But have you ever had them spoken to you by a gravelly voiced 200 kilogram Palestenian hip-hop producer?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5HMcE06__U
“You smart” says DJ Khaled to me. Which is a nice thing to say, and I’m thankful for the compliment. “You very smart” he reiterates. At which stage I’m just about blushing and muttering little deflections under my breath. DJ Khaled teaches the youth about some of the oldest and truest virtues: intelligence and loyalty. Whilst others in the rap game attempt to objectify women, Khaled appreciates a faithful and erudite life companion.
DJ Khaled tends to keep his self-affirmations short and punchy. “You a genius. I appreciate you” he says. But in this video he’s given a platform to free associate a little bit. He gives some more fleshed-out parables from the Book of Khaled. “Them doors that were closed, I ripped the doors off, I took the hinges off, and I put the hinges in the boys hands” he says. On the surface level it’s just a statement about good door repair, but dig a little deeper and it’s a profound statement on the need for limitless revolution. Don’t just be satisfied with knocking down the door. Literally dismantle the door and hand its component parts to your enemies.
The video is divided in to two distinct phases. 1) General Motivation and 2) Gym Motivation. Part 2 makes for an ideal workout track, in particular for high repetition activities like push-ups or sit-ups. “And another one” says Khaled, “and another one” he drones. DJ Khaled shows us that no single second of anything is unendurable. Everything is achievable if you conceive of it divided into smaller, more manageable units.
Between Shia LaBeouf and DJ Khaled I know what it takes for me to be successful in 2016. Anal-retentive neatness, a high-apple diet, and exercising with single increment repetitions. And remember. Don’t let anyone tell you can’t go swimming.
Young Thug is many things. Autotune crooner, cross-dresser and purveyor of a new brand of edgy hipster Southern hip-hop. He is also a pissed off father. In his latest Twitter rant, Young Thug goes off on the baby’s mamas keeping his kids out of reach. “When you bombs give me custody then I’ll be able to see them every day but until then I’ll just pay my child support that I put myself on” tweeted Thugga.
But Young Thug wasn’t done. He called into question the justice of keeping children in a financially unstable environment: “I just wanna no y should a peasant with no job, or future, or apartment/house/condo have custody of a rich mans child!!!” Why indeed. Finally, Thugga sunk the solid gold teeth in with this roast:
At only 24 years of age Young Thug has already spawned an impressive litter. Experts estimate that Thug’s brood now numbers above 11. In interviews Thug has revealed that his oldest child is seven, there’s also a four year old, and at least two three year olds. Oh so he’s got twins? That’s so sweet! Guess again. It’s the R-rated Cheaper By The Dozen sequel that needs to happen.
This isn’t the first time Young Thug’s parenting or his army of miniature clones has lit up social media. Thug’s young daughter earned Instagram infamy when a video emerged of the surly 3 year old repeatedly declaring “I’m muh’fucking tired.” The video quickly went viral. Partly because it’s a benchmark in lax parenting, and partly because it so accurately expressed the mood of so many Internet users – muh’fucking tired. The little girl is kitted out with a solid gold grill, despite not having any teeth.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2AW11EdGzGQ
After copping some flack over Instagram, the Baby Mama released this lucid statement.
This would be slightly more believable if you couldn’t literally hear her coaxing her daughter to repeat the meme-worthy soundbyte over and over again.
Some people might say that a man with a song titled Extacy Pill, taken off a mixtape simply titled Lean, is not fit to be a father. But by all accounts Young Thug is a real family man. Young Thug’s mom had 11 kids, and Young Thug appreciates the struggles and fun that comes with having a big family. His entourage his made up of siblings and cousins. His sister Amina is his day-to-day manager. His mother’s favourite Young Thug song is OD, because he lists the names of all his brothers and sisters, including brother Bennie who died when he was 9. Young Thug’s mother is provided with only the best, and wears her gold grill and diamond ‘RICH GANG’ necklace with pride. There’s no doubt that Thugga can provide for his kids. As he says: “oh and I forgot, I got a mansion with 12 empty bedrooms waiting for them.”
Iggy Azalea. Whether you think she’s an offensive rip-off artist, or harmless purveyor of hip-hop lite – she’s nonetheless become a veritable human punching bag due to her consistently being accused of appropriating black culture, and now her hip-hop highness herself, Erykah Badu has become the latest in a series of artists to jump on Azalea’s grave and call her out at this year’s Soul Train Awards.
Badu, the First Lady of Neo-Soul, was the host of this year’s Soul Train Awards, and to kick things off, she had prepared an opening monologue that saw her using a prop phone to field and receive calls from celebrities. The phone gimmick was a reference to Badu’s new mixtape But You Caint Use My Phone, which features Andre 3000 on track Hello and a Hotline Bling inspired jam Cell U Lar Device. Whilst Badu dropped several quality gags, there was one clear highlight.
“Who is this?” says Badu as she answers an flip phone, “Iggy Azalea? Yeah, hey…. No, no, no, you can come, ‘cause what you doin’ is definitely not rap.” You don’t have be able to lip read to see one dude drop a “ohhhh shit!” The Internet – a forum neither forgiving nor forgetful – was quick to immortalise the comment in meme and gif.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBtSc7d2Eu0
But given that Badu is a figure universally revered and Azalea is a figure universally reviled – this comes across much more like fly-swatting than mud-slinging. In fact, Azalea may even be slightly proud that her name is even being mentioned by Erykah Badu.