Most people heard Vince Staples’ Summertime ’06, his debut studio album, last year and thought it was the cat’s pyjamas. A fresh new face in hip-hop planting his flag and doing it with charismatic and intelligent force. Norf Norf was one of the standout tracks from that record, a banging, gritty ode to Staples’ home of the ‘Norfside’ in Long Beach, California.
Someone who caught the memo very late and was less than appreciative of Vince’s creative talents though is a mother of four, who took to everybody’s soapbox of choice in YouTube to film a frankly bonkers 11 minute response to hearing the song on the radio in front of her children. Just… just watch it.
If you can’t bring yourself to sit through 11 minutes of pure cringe I’ll break it down. The whole clusterfuck starts off innocuously enough, the lady stating that she was listening to “that radio station” her kids love, pining for the days when they used to play music for white people who secretly hate music like The Backstreet Boys and Christina Aguilera. From there it devolves into utterly shithat insanity as she recaps her morning, usually spent in ignorant bliss listening to ear-piss like Meghan Trainor and Christian music before that reprehensible thug Vince Staples ruthlessly ruined everything with “this crap”.
The “cuss words” might have been bleeped out but she didn’t come down in the last shower and could “still dictate what they’re saying” and was not happy one little bit. “As a mom it infuriated me”-levels of not happy even. She breaks down into tears before reciting the lyrics in the most surreal thing you will see today. With her daughter playing innocently in the background, she, employing a flow that would make William Shatner sound like Tupac, starts dropping bars from the first verse like “bitch you thirsty, please grab a Sprite”, “we can dip, fuck in the whip, slide right back” and “cocaine colour of a creole” (which she somehow pronounces as “crello” because fuck learning about cultures that don’t worship Toby Keith as a false idol). She doesn’t hesitate in sticking the landing on every n-word either.
The best part of the whole thing? She gets to the chorus and pronounces Norfside as “Nerfside” and I think I have several broken ribs from laughing. She’s hysterical by the end of her run-through, with vague religious connotations suggesting she was “meant to hear it to let you guys know about it”.
The SparkNotes summary for her entire monologue to play it out is basically “won’t somebody please think of the children”. In fact she says we need to pray for our youth, who already deal with horrors like “social media, pressure at school”, and now Vince Staples, who the entire time she wasn’t even aware wrote the song.
It’s unintentionally hilarious but also really fucking frustrating. In typical conservative overreaction laced with self-absorption and sheer arrogance, she hasn’t even bothered to try and interpret the lyrics or the context of the song, which are in no way a glorification of drugs and violence but simply Staples recounting his own harrowing experiences growing up in this area. Nobody is forcing her to listen to the radio or to anything Vince Staples has to say but she sobs as if rap music is an omnipresent evil being thrust upon her against her will. You just know there are countless others out there probably considering her to be brave for making this instead of bin-worthy.
Thankfully this video went viral for comedy reasons and not the downright embarrassing fear-mongering and the silencing of black voices that this woman seeks to achieve with this ridiculous rant. At least the Internet has a damn good sense of humour:
that crazy christian woman was crippin on the low w the blue t shirt, she just frontin like she not affiliated #norfnorf
— Gabriel (@yung_fetus) October 5, 2016
— Jack Seiffert (@JackSeiffert) October 4, 2016
Somebody’s even remixed it already, laying the Norf Norf beat underneath mom because God is indeed watching us. Now all we need is a Vince Staples Reviews Every Fucking Thing on this and we can leave it in the trash where it belongs.
Image: DJ Booth