If you’ve managed to stay clear of any dangers of catching Olympic fever but still want to know what’s going on, you’re in luck because Vince Staples has just tackled all the big events in his latest Vince Staples Reviews Every Fucking Thing video for men’s magazine GQ.
In another wonderfully candid instalment, the SoCal rapper takes on the Olympics, critiquing the finer aspects of table tennis and gymnastics as well as admitting that he doesn’t really have anything to say about sports and that “y’all just ask me to do this shit” and so, he sits down and does just that. Having previously given reviews on the fashion choices of NBA players’ and the best fashion moments in hip-hop, as well as his insights into GQ’s “Man of the Year” award, Staples didn’t hold back for his latest sit-down.
It’s pretty great that he does, too, because he makes some brilliantly candid calls. First, right off the bat he refers to to men’s diving as looking like something out of “a FKA twigs video” (Pendulum, anyone?), quickly following it up with his comments about table tennis being taken too seriously (and also being Forrest Gump’s sport, making him the greatest Olympian that ever lived).
At one stage, he talks about suspecting certain athletes of juicing, as well as questioning the validity of equestrian sports (“braiding a horses hair is an Olympic sport? Fuck these grown ass people trying to ride these horses! Why is he wearing a top hat?”) before finally explaining that men shouldn’t be trying to compete in gymnastics because, as he observes “I’m not really a fan of this male gymnastics—trying to jump hard as fuck as you can. There’s no grace in that… We’re not creative enough. They [women] make us look stupid. They’re smarter than us.”
However, he does have something to say about gold medallist Simone Biles: “She looks like she’s mean, though. Like, don’t talk to her about how nice you are, because she’ll let you know that your little handspring is trash.”