Hotline Blintz: Drake Performs At Bat Mitzvah

If there’s one thing a young Jewish girl needs to know as she makes that magical transition into womanhood, it’s this: if you repeatedly call a man for late night sex, then abruptly cease that habit, he’ll be left wondering whether you’re recreating the same sex acts that he developed with you, with a completely different man.

This was exactly the message rapper Drake crooned to one lucky 13-year-old girl, when he performed his smash hit Hotline Bling at her private bat mitzvah in New York City. The young girl’s family must have had some serious shekels to afford to hire out the prestigious Rainbow Room at 30 Rockefeller Plaza, and pay Drake to do his classic shtick. Drizzy delivered his performance with plenty of chutzpah, proving that he is the greatest rapper alive, and making Kendrick look like a shmendrik.

The rapper also performed a number of other tunes, including Summer Sixteen and his remix of Fetty Wap‘s My Way:

Drake is of course, no stranger to the ceremony. Drake is the son of an African-American from Tennessee and a white Jewish Canadian. Drake has often proudly referenced his Jewish heritage. In a 2009 interview with Paul Rosenberg, Drake revealed that his own bat mitzvah took place in an Italian restaurant with I Want It That Way by the Backstreet Boys blaring in the background. Drake recreated a slightly cooler bat mitzvah in his video clip for HYFR, in which the Toronto rapper reaffirmed his commitment to the Jewish faith. It even has a pre-Snapchat DJ Khaled sitting serenely in a synagogue pew nodding in approval.

Although some might say that Drake’s religious values have been lax of late. The Torah tells us be slow to anger. Yet, he hit Meek Mill with two consecutive and merciless diss tracks. The Torah teaches pacifism. And whilst crazy bigots may blame the death of Christ on the Jewish people, there can be no doubt that Drake truly crucified Meek Mill.

Drake has long pined for gangster cred. And now he finally has it. He’s a member of the Jewish mafia.