rihanna

Yahoo Either Invent Time Travel or Publish Pre-Written Music Review For Rihanna Album

It seems that the good folks over at Yahoo have been busy inventing time travel this Thanksgiving. Either that, or someone is getting fired. Seemingly unbeknownst to the popular website, an incomplete and premature fill-in-the-gaps review for Rihanna’s much anticipated eighth album ANTI has been published well ahead of its release.

While it would be great (and far less depressing) to believe that the music team at Yahoo are galavanting through time like a crazed Christopher Lloyd, sampling the sounds of tomorrow (Great Scott! This Yeezy track from 2030 is sublime!), it is unfortunately impossible to look past the harsh truth. The pre-written review leaves space for details to be later added including where to find the album, the number of tracks, and some banal commentary on some yet to be inserted lyrics from rap genius. There has been much speculation that the songstress will drop the release without warning, and this is one “creative” team that obviously want to be at the front of the critical game. But at what cost? Oh you know, real opinions, actual listening and artistic integrity. Nothing major.

The full and hilarious review can be seen below:

rihanna anti

Just because we don’t want to be pipped at the post when it comes to new releases either, we decided to take a page out of the Yahoo style guide and get on the front foot for one of next year’s biggest releases.

Frank Ocean finally releases his follow up to 2012’s highly lauded Channel Orange with the aptly titled [INSERT TITLE HERE]. The honeyed voice crooner takes us to angelic heights with opening track [INSERT NAME] with lyrics that span the depth and breadth of human emotion and promise to [A. leave you on the bathroom floor in a puddle of tears] or [B. make you feel like you soaring down a hillside on a bicycle at midnight] {Delete either A or B depending on content}. With a stellar cast of guest appearances the [FAST PACED OR LAZY ] rhymes from the highly talented [INSERT NAME], are a stand out. Sure, we were a little annoyed that you made us wait so long, but Frank, it was worth it. All is forgiven.

Dear God. I feel dirty. I think I need to take a shower. It is a dark day for music journalism. A dark day indeed.