Today in first world problems, Beyoncé has deeply angered many of her fans after hyping a major announcement on Good Morning America. With an unnecessarily melodramatic video promo teasing ‘Beyoncé has something amazing that she wants you to know. So what is it?’.
Fans were kind of expecting something, you know, actually major, like a new album or a pregnancy or a tour or the shocking revelation that she is, in fact, a lizard person. Something worthy of the adjective ‘amazing’ anyway.
Instead those fans, some of whom admitted to going as far as to take the goddamn day off work (!?!?) just to watch were given the earth-shattering news that Bey is…
A vegan. Oh and also has a pants-shittingly exciting new book coming out where you become Beyoncé or something by being a vegan for just 22 days. Give your money to Beyoncé. Give.
To an outsider, the ‘Beyhive’, the name adopted by her fanbase, seem batshit at their most reasonable, let alone the insanity that ensues when their ire is raised. I therefore sat back and watched the resultant online furor with shameless glee. There were the overreactions in the media, the myriad of butthurt Tweets:
wait, Beyonce let the Hive ignore their kids and jobs for a special announcement that she eats leaves. SMFH
— Zubi (@amisicaves) June 8, 2015
I had to chuckle at this one though:
Im actually really unhappy about this Beyoncé announcement. Im still eatin da swine doe
— Iris (@LaBelle_Iris) June 8, 2015
And there was also the ludicrous Instagram ‘war’ between angry fans and loyal fans, who flooded Beyoncé’s profile with junk food emojis or vegan-friendly emojis respectively in an apparent contest to prove who had the biggest combination of both crazy and free time (Everyone. The winner was everyone)
I am by no means a fan of Beyoncé’s or her insipid music, but I’m even less of a fan of people who invest themselves so heavily in celebrities like this, to the point where something as trivial as being let down by a television announcement is blown up to these proportions. Dick move by Good Morning America, sure, but they did it because they are aware of the fact that you are this crazy, Beyhive. Children out there are starving to death though while you complain about being woken up to non-news by a program famous for it. Put your shit into perspective, damn.